A letter I never sent - grief and closure

Losing loved ones is inevitable. This is one of the cold, hard truths of life that makes us wish we were still children, blissfully oblivious. Loved ones come and go, sometimes they just disappear, sometimes they stab us where it hurts the most, sometimes they lose themselves and sometimes they die. Either way, we find ourselves strangely empty.
This post can't offer ready solutions, but there is one thing that might help your closure. This thing is something that helped me through my grief and showed me how to make peace with what happened. The numbness, the pain, the anger, the confusion, the hopelessness are emotions that need to be accepted when it comes to grief. Sometimes, our own reactions might shock, disgust or terrify us. These are the feelings that at the end of the day, only we can handle. Time helps, support helps, self-care helps, but we still need to walk through those five stages of grief. If you or someone around you is going through a loss, I recommend you read up on the five stages of grief as it may help get a clearer picture about what's happening to you/them.
There is one more thing inevitable to be able to cope with grief and that is closure. I used to believe that you can only get true closure from the person so if you 'missed' your opportunity, it is gone. All that this belief did to me is making me bitter and ashamed. I kept thinking about the things I didn't do right, the things I wanted to say and do and yes, sometimes the things I wish they said and did. Then, someone a lot wiser than I am told me that often we have to create the closure we wish we got. It took me a lot of time to see how right they are. How could I expect to gain closure when I can't forgive them and I can't forgive myself?

So how do we forgive? First, we need to see how we are hurting and why. For this, we need self-reflection and the ability to accept grief, to accept that sometimes there is nothing we can do, apart from surviving the storm. There is no way to magically erase pain, the only way out is through it. Once we know our pain, we need to ask those questions we wanted to and say those things we wanted to. Sometimes there is no one on the other side to hear us and tell us the other side. Still, doing this is crucial. When I couldn't talk to the person, I wrote them a letter. I wrote them a shabby, really honest letter about my feelings and thoughts and more often than not, it ended up covered in tears. The letter I never sent. Still it felt like that person was sitting there with me. And that's exactly the point. If you want to imagine them there and talk to them, nothing wrong with that. If you want to write a letter, do that. If you want to do something you used to do together, you can. Just remember how important it is to let these thoughts out and maybe even answer some of the questions you have. Finally, you need to say goodbye. Forgive them for the things that might have gone wrong. You don't need to approve of their every move, you can be disappointed in things, because forgiveness is not about turning a blind eye. Forgiveness is accepting what happened and letting yourself have some peace. And that's exactly what you need to do for yourself too.

I hope this will help you on your path towards closure. If you have any related advice, please feel free to share it in the comments section.