The Bulletproof Journal

For some people, cooking is a natural way of being. The rest of us will probably walk into the kitchen thinking about the many ways things could go wrong. The good news is, the kitchen fright is normal and it doesn't have to stay. If you think you are and always be a terrible cook, let yourself prove you wrong. Cooking is an experience that does not have to be a negative, stressful one. But how can you conquer the kitchen? Focus on the process   Cooking is a skill that you are perfectly capable of learning, but you won't turn into a pro chef overnight. If your sole focus is the end goal then every day until you reach your aim will feel like a failure. One of the first things I learned to make is scrambled eggs. Most would probably consider that super easy, but I took pride in my scrambled eggs. In fact, I still do. I might be able to make them without thinking, but there is always something to try and something to learn. Focus on these small details, how you made something ...

You set out a goal, you imagine how things will happen, you picture how you will feel when you get there and then...it doesn't happen. Does this sound familiar? You tried but you just weren't good enough to reach that goal, right? Likely, it is not your goals that are unreachable, it is your standards. Good enough? [Copyright Bulletproof Journalist] Slowly moving away from 'perfection', we arrive to the land of 'good enough'. On paper that all seems great and genuinely positive because it erases the pressure of trying to reach something impossible. Good enough allows for mistakes and flaws. Usually. Unless you are, like me, setting that standard so high that you end up expecting perfection. I always had really rigid expectations of myself, it didn't matter that someone else might have been doing something for years to get to a level, I wanted to get there right there and then. This was not about the other person (who I adored and respected for their...

Losing loved ones is inevitable. This is one of the cold, hard truths of life that makes us wish we were still children, blissfully oblivious. Loved ones come and go, sometimes they just disappear, sometimes they stab us where it hurts the most, sometimes they lose themselves and sometimes they die. Either way, we find ourselves strangely empty. This post can't offer ready solutions, but there is one thing that might help your closure. This thing is something that helped me through my grief and showed me how to make peace with what happened. The numbness, the pain, the anger, the confusion, the hopelessness are emotions that need to be accepted when it comes to grief. Sometimes, our own reactions might shock, disgust or terrify us. These are the feelings that at the end of the day, only we can handle. Time helps, support helps, self-care helps, but we still need to walk through those five stages of grief. If you or someone around you is going through a loss, I recommend you read u...

When I was younger, I used to watch different kinds of films and naively believing almost everything I saw there. Sure, it must be possible to land like that after a jump, a defibrillator will 'shock people into life', relationships are only trouble until you start dating (and inevitably there is going to be a romantic scene in the rain) and so on. In a sense, these can be funny and some are harmless, but sometimes they give misinformation that can cost us greatly. There are many examples of media ignorance, but for now, I would like to focus on a particular one, first aid because it can be the difference between life and death. Let's see what the media tells us versus the truth. Myth: Defibrillators are for paramedics/doctors only Most of us can recall at least one scene in a film where paramedics use a defibrillator on a person. I can almost guarantee you though that you can't recall a time when a bystander did the same. It might give you the fake idea that unless...

There is probably not much that can be said with so much certainty as this: everyone has passions*. Some might not have found them yet, some temporary lose them and often all of this seems like a mess. The bad news is, it is never going to be crystal clear. But the good news is: that's exactly the point. You'll never in your life know for sure if you've found all the things you could be passionate about. This is what makes it so interesting, you can be constantly looking and discovering. But for the same reason, it might feel scary too. So how can you find and keep your passions? *passions as activities we enjoy Keep looking The first advice might sound pretty obvious, but we often forget how important it is to put ourselves out there and try out a new sport, join a club, accept an invitation etc. The things that can truly benefit you are all outside your comfort zone. It can be daunting to go for something new but you need to keep trying because not only will you lea...

Slightly different from the usual posts, here is a fictional short story. I hope it will make you feel better if you are having a bad day or simply make you feel regardless. [Copyright Bulletproof Journalist] A kitten with no name It was a cold late afternoon. A kitten was trying to find shelter from the strong winds underneath a newspaper but she soon saw her newfound house off as the weather worsened. The kitten didn't have a name, no one bothered to give her one. Sometimes people on the street would call her different names, but she found it very confusing to remember. Her paws were almost numb from the constant walking around, looking for somewhere to sleep. She saw a dog on the other side of the park, playing with his owner. She couldn't help but feel her little heart filling with jealousy as she saw the human running around, laughing loudly, followed by the enthusiastic dog. She wanted that too, but she was alone, her paws weak and weary and herself tiny a...

I am on a meeting. One person starts saying negative things about another's private life but they are not here to hear the comment. But I am. I don't need to hear it out to know that it has no relevance to the supposedly professional topic we are discussing. The world slows down as I shift in my chair. My head reviews my options in a matter of a second: I can stay silent since I am not personally involved and it is easier anyway. But as I weigh up this possibility, I already know that it goes against what I believe in. I don't think it is acceptable to try to bring someone down by spreading gossip. I fight the urge to just keep the peace and the need to be liked. Finally, I interrupt the person as politely as I can. I ask them to stop firmly but without a negative tone. Silence. People are taken aback, some roll their eyes, but I know I did the right thing. And that is all that matters.  [Copyright Bulletproof Journalist] There are countless times in our lives when ...

Have you ever felt that you have no idea where to go from where you were at life? Have you ever felt lost? So overwhelmed by choices that you couldn't decide or left with seemingly no choice? You are not alone. Feeling uncertain about what to do or if you chose the right path doesn't make you a lost cause. It might feel like the worst possible way to be, but sometimes lost is exactly what you need to be to find out which is 'your way'. I had multiple times in my life when feeling lost lead me to great discoveries, but let me tell you about how I turned one incident around. About two years ago, I got a really big punch in the face from life and it left me wondering who I am, what I want and where I am heading. When I felt the most lost, I have decided that it was time to just let go of everything that WAS and focus on what IS. Chairish the new path [Copyright Bulletproof Journalist] I had a tough look at my friendships, my clothes, my habits and my personality a...

You don't need to be a professional to be able to help people. In fact, there is absolutely no skill, no equipment, no sacrifice needed to help others. Smiling at a stranger on a street might not be a big deal for you, but it might mean the world to that other person who feels really awful. Undoubtedly, there are times when you need more than just a smile though and that can be a huge responsibility. I'll tell you why you should try regardless. We have no idea sometimes how much our words and actions can hurt others. A 'bit of a banter' can easily turn into someone questioning why are they so worthless and disrespectful behaviour can often leave people thinking they are not enough. Realising this is the first step towards becoming a 'bigger' person. Now, turn this around. Imagine a world where your words can make someone's day, where you can lift people up (in some cases both literally and figuratively). Congratulations, you live in this world. Sure thing, ...

So far, we have talked about how when someone tries to make you feel like you are worthless, it is their (toxic) way of dealing with jealousy coming from their own insecurities. I have written about ways that can help you handle a situation like this. (See post 'Insecurities are loud - pass the microphone anyway') Let's continue with ways of coping with someone who tries to mock you and make you seem *insert negative adjective here* in front of others. 3. Talk about it If someone bullies you and mistreats you, don't keep it to yourself. It is a huge strain on your mental health to be subjected to mocking so make sure that above all, you prioritise your well-being.  Talk about how you are feeling to a friend, a family member or even on an online listening service. Don't be afraid to reach out to a therapist or any other professional help if you are struggling. It is also important, as terrifying as it may sound, to talk about it with your bully. We tend to forge...

If you are successful in whatever you are doing, it is inevitable that some people will envy you, sometimes even without realising it. This jealousy becomes toxic when they actively take steps to belittle you, put you into humiliating situations and when they question your adequacy on a daily basis. When you are involved in a case of toxic jealousy, first it might seem like they are 'above' you because they might seem a lot more confident, qualified, bold etc. The key thing for you to do is realise that you are not subordinate or less than them. Their mocking is not about you and your qualities, it is about them and their hidden insecurities. They are jealous because they feel that you have something that they don't. As soon as you understand that they spread gossip about you not because there is something wrong with you but because they can't deal with their own insecurities, you are free. And this is where it gets easier for you. Of course, self-reflection is key to...